Great Lady's Diary - The Historical Fiction

6 th July 1819   Is it indeed nothing when you are a step away from heart attack? No, it is not worth to think about it today. It is an expired past. Old, peeled off, wiped hat. It is not worth anything. Last night I had a strange dream – I was screaming but I could not hear myself. I was running away from two bad nymphs (they were naked, ugly; they had black hair and eyes), but it the end theirs magic reached me. I was laying in the mud, the material of my umbrella got a rip, the heel of my shoe was learning to blow in the wind and suddenly… I woke up. The nightmare did not end – I felt like something was watching me in the darkness. Big eyes of bad spirits, they were ready to attack me any moment and eat me alive. Je te dis - l’authentique enfer. Très horrible! (I am telling you, the real hell. Terrifying!) Never mind! It does not matter! Today I wanted to write few words about the travel, so it is time to get to the point. Yesterday we stopped for few hours of rest and ...

5 th July 1819   Evening of truth. We are the truest soul mates, or he checked you out, my dear diary. He shared the biggest secret with me! Maybe I shall not complicate my own life and just tell you my conversation with William. It has been just a moment ago. -    My spirit, heart, and soul! I know what you had to think of me all these years, but it is the high time to dispel your inner doubts and fears. Well, I have never – I am repeating – I have never done anything that could not be forgiven. Every human being sometimes makes mistakes and I know that I have not always treated you like I should, but you need to know that you are the love of my life. I would never hurt you; I would never tell you a lie. You have always existed in my thoughts. You – the most precious soul of the world – you made me patiently wait 6 years for a marriage with you. I waited patiently until I get a permission to call you only mine until the end of time. I have never touched any other wo...

4 th July 1819   Extraordinary news! I was writing the date when my quill pen just slipped from my hand. As soon as I decided to write, un cocher (coachman) had to run over a rock. It is impossible to live in this world normally! By the way, the best man in the world has just asked why I bought and took with me the travel writing set. Invention which nobody needs etc. That is what he said. I am writing a novel, you know, my dear boy! Only his nose is missing among your cards, my lovely diary, sugar honey journal, my secret secretary. Ah. But when it comes to the trip, three more days and we will reach our destination! I have not known yet how it will look like, what, when, where and how, but William knows everything the best and that is enough. I do not have to worry. Well, what men were made for? Yes, we decided not to stand in one place too long. The cook made two magnifique (splendid) meals and we decided to continue our lovely travel today, but after two hours ...

3 rd July 1819   After two whole days of traveling, we finally stopped for a little longer layover. A day of rest in such a pretty town! Or two… Yes! It will do me good and this stop is especially for our little Mary. Every child would be très fatigué (exhausted) after such constant bumps, hills, and valleys. What about William? Exactly! He is gone! Since morning! He just went out in the morning and he still have not come back! Sun is going down! No letter, no dispatch! He is simply gone! I am very worried! What if ruffians attacked him? Please, do not take him away from me! What if – worse possibility – he went somewhere, found new lover and left me alone with a child? God! What poor me will do now?! Hopefully, my head will not start aching! Or attack of breathlessness! Where will I find a doctor? Alone?! William, go back now! I am very worried! Come back! If you like your life! My sweet! My sunshine! Where are you?!   (15 minutes later)   He did com...

2 nd July 1819   Such a beautiful day! I got up earlier than usually to write down few words. Today whole family is packing and going to travel! I cannot wait! I have just gone out on a balcony. The river is silently floating, birds are singing, warm wind is blowing and flowers from my lovely little garden smile to me. I feel I will have a good time in mountains! Did I mention that flowers like to play with my feet and wind like to play with my hair? Never mind… The most of chests is packed, coach is waiting in front of our palace, horses are foraged as servants say. I watched carrying the first trunk. So much noise! Such a huge problem – putting the chest in a right place on the vehicle. If I were not a lady, I would do it by myself to show them all how much it is easy. Anyways, I am dressed up properly for this petit voyage (a little travel), Mary is still sleeping, William is finishing breakfast. I will try to peek on you tomorrow, my sweet diary. Now I must go to my ...

1 st July 1819 Oh. Oh! William has just decided to take me and Mary to mountains! Mary is our little 3-year-old child. Blondie is extremely alike to my husband. I also cannot wait to rest a little! Yes, now we are married but it was not always like a fairy tale. He also had the second mistress. This one was better than the first one! No balls were needed, because everything was happening in front of my face in my and my darling’s home. It was fifth year of our relationship when I invited my old friend from childhood. We were both taught by the same teacher. Finishing school. We have not seen each other for so long so why not? By the way, I was preparing to a wedding – William had just proposed. - My dear Elisabeth! Have you chosen your wedding dress? There cannot be too many ruffles, lace, ribbon… How will you keep yourself on your feet? How will you dance during your wedding night? - Am I a goat? I will not be jumping! She seemed to be content knowing the wedding news, sh...

30 th June 1819 I seriously cannot take it mentally! He told me today that he regrets everything that he has done to me. He said that he was stupid, young… And I have always been his whole world! He does not remember life before me! My dear pumpkin brought me a bouquet of roses! He took me by the lake! He was apologising tenderly!!! My angel is particularly good to me!!!

29 th June 1819   He is talking about his great love again! No, it is not about me! That is about her! Jane! What a strange ugly name! How he is sighing and gasping! How he is strutting! I cannot! I cannot take it! My poor nerves! Only he is talking about those deep brown eyes! Mine are prettier! You! You ingrate! Oh! Too hot it is in here! It is easier to believe that you were the most important to someone and it has not changed. It is easier when no lies are standing between two of you. He should not talk about it anymore and I shall never listen to it too. It will be easier to forget old harm. Do not talk about her anymore, my darling.

28 th June 1819   I know I should not write it but… I really need to let my feelings out. He. I have known him for ten years but he… He still makes me sad sometimes. Lately he mentioned his previous lovers, little romances etc. I remember it all too well. My eyes used to watch it and I could not do anything with that. That is why it hurts. These memories hurt. This poison can still… poison waters, pollute air. Les roses noires de la vie (black roses of life). Unfortunately, this thorn can still hurt your fingers… your heart. I am sad, mon cheri . But I will not let it show. I will not tell you about it. Because I guess I love you a little too much. So, it hurts a little too much. Well, how did we meet? It was many years ago. This proud peacock did not come over too fast, not right away. Only he was going around and looking at me like a miner at gold bullion. I was waiting whole evening just to hear his name. A little meaningless conversation. It was enough to get to know...